The cries for a drink in the middle of the night have been replaced by cries of sibling rivalry and fairness debates. But often I still feel overwhelmed. Sometimes I feel I’ve failed to enjoy my family. I look at other parents who seemed to relish time with their children while I struggled to find pleasure in the day-to-day activities of a single mother. Has it been possible to experience joy in this complicated, mind-boggling task of parenting? UNEQUIVOCALLY, YES !!!
I’ve always asked God to oversee my schedule and priorities. I found useful activities that included my kids and benefited us all. I tried not to compare myself with other parents. I’ve embraced Micah 6:8, because it simplifies life into actions of Justice, mercy and humility. ” He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of YOU but to do justly, To love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God?”
As long as these remain incorporated in my life, I don’t worry how MY parenting style differs from that of my neighbors. God has uniquely suited me (us as parents) to raise OUR OWN children. Of all the potential moms in the world, He paired me with MY Children. I suspect God included passages like Psalm 127 because He knew the challenges and heartaches that come with parenting. (taken from The Message version)
127 1-2 If God doesn’t build the house,
the builders only build shacks.
If God doesn’t guard the city,
the night watchman might as well nap.
It’s useless to rise early and go to bed late,
and work your worried fingers to the bone.
Don’t you know he enjoys
giving rest to those he loves?
3-5 Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift?
the fruit of the womb his generous legacy?
Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows
are the children of a vigorous youth.
Oh, how blessed are you parents,
with your quivers full of children!
Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep
This job is the toughest, most gratifying I’ve ever had, and my “Full quiver” is usually happy. Though sometimes embarrassed by my children’s actions and my own responses to them, our imperfections provide opportunities to demonstrate unconditional love and where love is present, joy abounds.
circa 2003
Raising children is challenging! And for as long as I can remember becoming a parent was a dream come true. I pictured myself as a wise and gracious mom, full of laughter and fun. Then my 1st child came, then my 2nd, 3rd ,4th and yes the 5th. Within a few weeks, all those ideals were traded in for just surviving the day. In the following months and years, as I cleaned spit-up, disarmed toddlers and corralled toys, I saw myself turn into a frazzled, reactive mom– a stark contrast to the mom I had wanted to be.
I began to realize that I was allowing the days and the years of my children’s lives to slip through my fingers. Life was never going to settle down. I had to seize the opportunities in each day and be the parent I wanted to be— NOW. Ironically, my first step to parenting involved reflection, not action. I realized I couldn’t clearly describe the actions I hoped would define my parenting. I thought about what I wanted MY children to remember most about their childhood. Then I examined those ideas to eliminate the unrealistic ones to refine the rest in light of God’s priorities.
One of the things I identified was being intentional about my children’s spiritual development. I also wanted to be gentler in my communication with them. I wanted to have more fun with my kids, rather than being so focused on their development that I forgot to enjoy them. Even the best laid plans go amiss. It’s was easy to run out of energy and lose track of my vision. To keep going for the long haul. I sought out creative ways to nurture my parenting dreams. I held myself accountable to other friends.
No matter how old your kids are, it is never too late to seize the day! Don’t ever allow your life to get too busy to continue to build the relationship with YOUR children. I had a significant and intentional sacrifice of my time for my children. And no matter how old I get, I will continue to work on being the mom I’ve wanted to be. A rewarding, though difficult journey it has been, but we learned to adjust well to life’s challenges.
Solo-parenting still involves all the mundane chores of a two-parent household. It can be exhausting! Rather than burning out emotionally, physically and financially by being a “June Clever Mom;” I tried to make the most out of ordinary situations to develop good relationships with my kids. Taking them grocery shopping, eating out on the dollar menus, enjoying time in the park together. Rather than focusing on making lots of money, I focused on finding opportunities my kids and I could share together. Such as their extra curricular activities Band, Pom/Cheer, Softball, Basketball, Skateboarding, Scouts, Church, School and Community Events. I invested a lot of hours and made huge sacrifices so that they could enjoy life’s extra activities.
Now that my nest is empty and my children have begun their own families and adventures in life, I still continue a family journey with them. Being THEIR MOM through every situation. One of the most important decisions I’ve made and the most rewarding job I’ve had. I was never a perfect mom by any stretch of the imagination, and never will be. But I will continue to do my best, to guide and lead my family, as my parents always did and still do for their children and grandchildren.
God was always quick to remind me that He “chose me” to set boundaries in my family according to His provisions, not the worlds. And as a single parent or any parent for that matter, the task is yours. Be creative in your parenting, your opinions, your plans, they are yours alone. The world will be judgmental and unfair, but God paired you with your children. Don’t allow comparison to quash your dream as a parent.
Embrace the joys and the frustrations!
